Sarah *BOOBS* wants to buy me a drink…

And poor Angela is in town again, so stressed because she only has time to work and pose in a business suit with the front open in front of her spam_cartooncomputer. Zooey and Lucy both are telling me I should contact them if I want to spend some time with a cute, funny chick.

Now, I don’t mind anyone buying me a drink, but these girls seem to be lacking in judgment skills. First, it’s winter and they will surely catch a cold. Second, they are pitching to a woman, a hetero woman. I know, some mornings I almost look like a man, and I have to admit that my chin hairs have almost grown to adolescent-boy status, but  that’s not indicative of anything except my need to seek electrical zapping every few days. And if I want to spend time with a cute funny chick, I’ve got gal pals already, thanks, without having to hang out with a hormonally enhanced teenager.

I’m also confused that Haley looks just like Sarah and both have the same nickname and, in fact, the same boobs. Zooey and Lucy  seem to be twins as well, only they wear panties and have some sort of back injury that makes them have to stand bent over and with a sway in their lower back.

On the other hand, I’m so glad that I’ve been such a good subscriber that all I have to do is click on the link that sends me to a completely different person’s page.I understand I could get a great prize if I do.

And I love the deals especially for me that my friend Anna wants to personalize for me if I send her all my information. It warms my heart to have been favorited by so many women with really really large breasts. If I was still a nurse, I’d be speaking to them about back stress. Of course, that could be why they were lying that way.

Sigh. Spam emails, how I love ’em. I live in fear that someone is going to figure out how to Spam cell-call. The phone rings, you answer, and someone breathily starts off saying they are Amanda and they saw you across the parking lot and just had to look you up. Or you are leaping out of the shower to answer your phone and hear, “Cheap Viagra and Cialis. Best prices…”

The horror!!!