Midnight on a snowy evening…

10 02 2013

There’s something about midnight on a snowy night. Sounds are muffled, few cars are on the road, the plows have already been by and their flashing lights have spun out across the snow.
It’s quiet in my suburban apartment. Too quiet. I can hear the ticking of all the clocks in the apartment, the slight twanging of the heaters.
At times like this, the idea of having another breathing body in this space is enchanting. I miss hearing someone else inhaling and exhaling. I miss curling up in bed with someone, breathing the same air, touching them on the hand or overlapping legs or curling around them. I miss going to bed with someone, having the last laugh of the day together, getting and giving a goodnight kiss.
Of course, that’s the good stuff. After all that, there’s often the snoring (his and mine), the too hot body next to mine, the lack of sprawling space.
I’ve chosen this life, for a bunch of reasons. I’m used to it; I cherish my solitude. Not that I’d never give it up, for the right person…maybe…
There’s this wonderful song that has a line in it : “if she knew what she wants, he’d be giving it to her”. I’ve probably never known what I wanted. I think I want it all – a loving relationship, my own space, enjoyable sex, a bed to myself, someone to laugh with, someone to be quiet with.
It should be possible, right?
Meanwhile I sit here, alone, listening to the ticking, not lonely, not sad, but a wee bit wistful.

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3 responses

10 02 2013
Christopher Snell

If you want it, then have it. The relationship you just described was my last one to a “T”, I have my place she has hers, we weren’t together all of the time, just most of the time. So Formulate it on paper, just what it is that you want, stick it to the frig, and read it often. When you’re out and about, keep an eye out for them.
Love’s gentle blessings, be along the path you follow…

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10 02 2013
dorothyanneb

Thanks – I needed that encouragement! Enjoying your blog…

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11 02 2013
Ally Bean

Beautifully written. Such perfect thoughts for a snowy evening… To thine own Self be True.

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