Creativity and madness

27 07 2014

I’ve struggled with depression for years. It started with my multiple sclerosis and was the first symptom spotted. Coincidentally, I restarted writing.

My family always tells me I’m the creative one, the one who thinks oddly, out of the box (though I would argue my older brother is also gifted in this area – and my kids are wildly so). I know that, during my brief career in management, I was often on a completely different page than many. This led to feelings of failure and isolation and utter hopelessness…

So, now, I’m having a bad bout with the MS – blurred vision, muscle spasms, pain, confusion, the whole package. And depression. And I feel at these times, any challenge is beyond me, AND, at the same time, my life is meaningless if I don’t do something important. It’s a tough place to be stuck. So I decide to quit everything I am doing and try new things in a flurry of trying to succeed at anything, anywhere.

51TTMH+FdgLAlong comes Maria Popova’s excellent Brain Pickings today: Creativity and Mental illness. Sometimes, at my most paranoid, I think she secretly knows me, her postings are so appropriate for the day…

And suddenly I don’t feel so alone. There are many others here in the murk (with occasional northern lights and lightning) here with me.

Now all I have to do is decide. Do I quit the writing game? Or do I listen to my chafing neurons and continue?

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4 responses

27 07 2014
judypenzsheluk

You must never give up. Write about your fears, your depression, your battle with MS, even if you never share them (and yet, I hope you do, so others can know they are not alone). You’re too talented to give up or give in. Don’t listen to the demons. Listen to the neurons.

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27 07 2014
Julie millen

Definitely listen to your neurons …you truly have a gift for writing!! Keep putting that pen to paper or fingers to keyboard!
Pepsi and I would enjoy a visit anytime.

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27 07 2014
shewrite63

Continue. You are not alone.

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27 07 2014
bethanyroseartin

You are a writer. It’s not something you can quit. However, you can always take a break from the physical act of writing, and/or explore other outlets for creativity. Listen to the chafing neurons, but maybe remind them you’re in charge, and they can wait while you do something fun.

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