I’ve struggled with depression for years. It started with my multiple sclerosis and was the first symptom spotted. Coincidentally, I restarted writing.
My family always tells me I’m the creative one, the one who thinks oddly, out of the box (though I would argue my older brother is also gifted in this area – and my kids are wildly so). I know that, during my brief career in management, I was often on a completely different page than many. This led to feelings of failure and isolation and utter hopelessness…
So, now, I’m having a bad bout with the MS – blurred vision, muscle spasms, pain, confusion, the whole package. And depression. And I feel at these times, any challenge is beyond me, AND, at the same time, my life is meaningless if I don’t do something important. It’s a tough place to be stuck. So I decide to quit everything I am doing and try new things in a flurry of trying to succeed at anything, anywhere.
Along comes Maria Popova’s excellent Brain Pickings today: Creativity and Mental illness. Sometimes, at my most paranoid, I think she secretly knows me, her postings are so appropriate for the day…
And suddenly I don’t feel so alone. There are many others here in the murk (with occasional northern lights and lightning) here with me.
Now all I have to do is decide. Do I quit the writing game? Or do I listen to my chafing neurons and continue?
You must never give up. Write about your fears, your depression, your battle with MS, even if you never share them (and yet, I hope you do, so others can know they are not alone). You’re too talented to give up or give in. Don’t listen to the demons. Listen to the neurons.
Definitely listen to your neurons …you truly have a gift for writing!! Keep putting that pen to paper or fingers to keyboard!
Pepsi and I would enjoy a visit anytime.
Continue. You are not alone.
You are a writer. It’s not something you can quit. However, you can always take a break from the physical act of writing, and/or explore other outlets for creativity. Listen to the chafing neurons, but maybe remind them you’re in charge, and they can wait while you do something fun.