I’m beginning to dread that I may, in fact, be evolving into that senior stereotype. I’ve got the grey hair, and now that I’ve lost some weight I seem to be showing wrinkles. (and wattles!!!ugh!)
I like to think I am more computer-savvy than many of my age. I use computer things a lot. I like to be thought of as technically competent, especially to those smooth-cheeked young men in Best Buy. I, for some reason, want to be considered cool. By young people. Gawd.
I don’t know what comes over me. I have never ever even been close to cool, even in my own age group. (One of my former classmates referred to my ‘retro fashions’ in high school.) And I’ve never been ‘techie’. My dad was the ultimate techie guy, but he worked for the first computer labs and designed aircraft, so I’m kinda thinking he had some reason to believe in his ept-ness.
On the other hand, computers and their nefarious programs and hateful password double verifying make me want to cry. I don’t give up easy, but I just can’t. Can’t. I try different things and feel all triumphant when I do things like clear our my email box–only to realize that I have deleted all the emails I wanted to keep with essential information on them. And I’ve cleverly done it online so they pop off into the big trash can in the sky with barely a murmur.
I wiped and reloaded my Apple computer BY MYSELF twice, and only needed my son’s help the first time. This is big. I can never remember how to do anything with the darn things and rely on clever Apple to generally fix anything troubling when they upgrade stuff. I’m hoping to keep my 2010 MacMini chuffing along for a while longer by bringing it back to virgin territory. So I can do simple-tech. Then I had to remember all my passwords…
I bought an Amazon Echo Dot and enjoyed it for three days before I realized: a. it resets entirely any time you unplug it, b. it requires yelling to get it started, and c. there are much simpler ways to get what I want (listening to audiobooks) done. I hate having to yell at these machines ever since the Ford Focus incident. (Early hands-free calling. Supposed to reduce distraction. It would not understand me so I ended up shouting at it and driving in full rage style until I realized how foolish this made me. Sold that car soon afterwards. Couldn’t bear the thought of it laughing at me.)
Now I’m trying to set up this WordPress site to do some new tricks to support my ostensible writing career, and I’ve gotta tell you, it has me on the edge. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. And yet, I know it is simple, made for ‘dummies’ like me. I know that, if I threw myself into it, I could probably make things work. But there’s a part of me that just doesn’t WANNA. I think it’s because, instead of a mind that goes like this:
Mine goes more like this:
It doesn’t work well with computer logic. Now, if I could simply use my incoherent drawing skills to create my website, pushing things here and there willy-nilly, changing text colours and fonts without annoying the entire page, etc. etc. etc. (as the King of Siam would say) I might find it fun to play with the site. As it is, if I change one colour, it automatically changes all the others, making things vanish into sameness. It hides comments in the current ‘style’, and I find that vexing in the extreme. Especially once I found the comments. I know I have to choose another format style but it takes so very much time and all of that could be spent writing and it would be both less annoying and more practical.
So the idea pops up. Shall I pay for someone else to create my site?
Nah. It costs money. I don’t have money. Besides, I might have to go into Best Buy again, and I want to hold my head ‘high’ on my withery grey-haired little body. High is a bit of a leap. I’m gradually shrinking as we all are, and I loom large at 4’11”. Two more inches down and I’ll have to use a carseat. I can see the car snickering at me now.