On the other hand, or it’s being so cheerful what keeps us going


My last post was one of my Pollyanna type ones about the past few years. I don’t like to bleat about my life’s sorrows...I know everyone has a sackful of their own...so I can sound a bit like I’m living the life of Riley*. I’m not. I’m trying to give myself relevance as I struggle…

Last night I went to Manderley again, or how excavating one’s old writing can be a godsend


Pandemic blues. That’s what I put it down to, the lethargy caused by being trapped in place, uncertain of the future, a bit frightened of it, eating way too many carbs all day and they waking at 3 AM vowing to do better, only to rewake at 7 and head directly to the carb cupboard.…

The occasional wallowing, or how I wish I could chat with Sophia Loren


I have a lot of friends who are dealing with chronic illness or the illness of loved ones or bereavement or even the loss of pets. So when I saw this article, it called to me: "The Other Side of Grief" by Whitney Akers. The article links to a group of stories about how people coped…

Wriggling the little grey cells


Some of you fearless readers might be aware that I have been fighting depression for quite a long time - say, roughly ten years or so. I figure it was the first symptom of my Multiple Sclerosis. Truth be told, it, and the cognitive changes, are the scariest changes with MS. I truly hate depression.…

Well, F*** it all, anyway.


I'm in a mood. I get in a mood whenever my MS takes a little bit more of me away. When I'm IN that mood, the following things make me furious: Statements like, on the Shift.ms website: "MS doesn't mean giving up on your ambitions, just rethinking how to achieve them." HA! Statements like: "My…

Losing my boss


One of the little things that we folks with MS have to deal with often is the residue of the minimal (or more) brain damage caused by the lesions and inflammation of the disease. For me, it's all about my boss-brain. Executive functions, they call them. I used to have them, once upon a time.…

Dear mum


I'm thinking of you today. I'm not sure why this bright winter day brings you to mind, but maybe it's a confluence of two things I've read. The first was "Dear Fatty", by Dawn French - her memoir, written as a series of letters to people she knows and loves. We never shared Dawn -…

On anger, depression, Robin Williams, Terry Pratchett, and writing


I read an article yesterday by Neil Gaiman about Terry Pratchett, author of the fantastic, funny, wise, and seriously wonderful Discworld series. Neil was asked about Terry, about how he must be such fun. Neil told a story of Terry, about how he'd been furious one time and about how he'd told Neil that it…

Creativity and madness


I've struggled with depression for years. It started with my multiple sclerosis and was the first symptom spotted. Coincidentally, I restarted writing. My family always tells me I'm the creative one, the one who thinks oddly, out of the box (though I would argue my older brother is also gifted in this area - and…

Oh, Mae West, how I wish I’d known you…


"Whenever I have to choose between two evils, I always like to try the one I haven't tried before", she said. She sounds like me, totally resistant to treading the same path, always looking for new experiences, unable to commit to a true path, even in evils. I'm doing the 3rd chapter of The Artist's…