Tag Archives: end of the world

If it’s Tuesday, we must be Americans…

300px-Map_Mariana_Islands_volcanoesThe poor Northern Mariana Islands.  They’re way out there in the sea, cuddled up to a big seam in the earth’s crust. They were formed by the earth’s crust pushing up on the side of the Mariana Trench, the deepest place on Earth, which means they are volcanically active (see red triangle volcanoes on map to left) and I dunno about you, but I’d have an uneasy feeling that at any moment I could be folded into the sea or thrust into the sky. Or perhaps melted by molten lava.

Mind you, that could make life interesting, especially today, the supposed end of the earth day.

Various sources say the main religion is Roman Catholic, but some old beliefs still exist. If I lived there, I’d sure wanna hedge my bets. I might even want to be an international criminal. It seems a goodly place for a hideout, all ready for the eventual explosion after the discovery by some James Bond type.

Their national song speaks to their isolation – it’s “Gi Talo Gi Halom Tasi” (In the Middle of the Sea). True. They also sing “The Star Spangled Banner”.

They are a Commonwealth (Or, lately, a Commonpoverty) of the US, which means they get to vote in presidential PRIMARIES, only, and they have one non-voting representative in congress. Didn’t some colonies a while ago get pretty riled up about this sort of taxation without representation? I can’t figure out this rule about voting, actually.  Are the Americans afraid the 52,000 citizens on the islands will pull their votes for guns away?

But enough of confusing politics, except to remark that everyone seems to have come here and taken over the islands at some point and then left. Spain, primarily. They arrived with Capuchin monks (as vs Capuchin Monkeys…) and such and killed off all the natives with disease, as they were wont to do, and then left, rather hurriedly. There was this misunderstanding about a boat, see.  Since then they’ve been called the Islas de los Ladrones, Thieves Islands. Locals said they were only borrowing the boat.

In addition to Spain, Germany, Japan and the US have all variously held ownership. The US used the islands as a launch site for the B-52 bombers that dropped the atomic bombs on Japan. Nice. That explains the three airports, no doubt.

Capuchin Monk

Capuchin Monk (not cute)

Apparently there are enough WWII relics scattered about to make it a war buffs hangout. Big big fighting here.

There are also lots of birds.

Lonely Planet speaks of THREE (3) things worth seeing, and of those three, one seems dangerous and another is crowded with tourists, mainly from Japan. Again, this puzzles me. Why would you want to go to a place where your people were slaughtered?

The chief industry other than tourism appears to be garment sweatshops, where Chinese and Philippine workers sew like madwomen to produce clothing for the US. The Islands aren’t held to US standards of minimum wage or immigration so garment factories are blooming like mould.

The locals, the Tao Tao Tano (People of the Island, now extinct) and the Chamorros (recovering  somewhat, finally, from the infectious wipeout) have had a hard

Capuchin Monkey

Capuchin Monkey (cute)

time. Chamorro, the language, is one of the official languages, so some parts of culture are kept alive. Not sure if they are still borrowing boats, though.

All I know is that they aren’t on my “wish I could visit” list. Now, if they had Capuchin monkeys, I might reconsider.


view of Bird Rock. You have to climb down wild rocks to see it.

It’s just getting worse…

Okay, as if falling space junk wasn’t enough, apparently the granddaddy of all volcanoes is muttering to himself and getting ready for one of those huge gaseous explosions ascribed to grandfathers everywhere. Only this one is going to block out sunlight and make it rain ashes everywhere. Mount Tambora, its name is. Learn it well.


If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was about time to sacrifice some virgins (if we can find any) to the volcano gods. They seem to be angry lately, along with the earthquake gods. The earth seems cranky.

I think they need some male virgins this time. Just sayin’. We women have had a bum deal with the whole virgin sacrifice thing for ages. I think it’s time for the men to take a turn. You know, step up to the plate, take some responsibility other than hauling poor girls to be shredded by giant monkeys or thrown into lava, etc. The last time men were done in regularly for sacrifices was back in Aztec times, and what with all this stuff about the Mayan calendar and the 2012 date they determined for the end of the world, maybe they knew something those other peoples didn’t.

Besides, all those female virgins have already been promised to various terrorists/martyrs. (depending on your view, and we are nothing if not politically correct here at dorothyanneb). There are only so many of them about.

Be that as it may, if this volcano happens, we won’t be worrying about global warming for a while. It’s going to be cold, frosty, and smelly. Sulphuric. Gates of hellish. I sense gnashing of teeth and wailing, and I rather suspect my new bubble umbrella will be unable to cope with the hailing flaming bits of lava, chunks of metal from falling satellites, asteroids, and the occasional tossed lottery ticket.

It’s at times like this that I can hear the old folks saying ,”Here we are, can put a man on the moon, and still we’re going to get covered with lava!” I think our research has been wrong-headed. We shoulda been looking down instead of up!

And with all the earthquakes happening all over the world (200 near Mt. Tambora alone), I can’t help but wonder if all the interior of the earth is seething. Since Yellowstone park is just one big volcano, what’s to say it might not join in the fireworks? Which would pretty well wipe out the problem with the oil sands. And the pipeline. And the western Provinces and states…

Honestly, it’s hard not to get the impression that we are like tiny fleas on the back of the earth and she is getting ready to shake us off. Maybe we should stop biting her.

And get some galvanized steel umbrellas.