I was messaging with my sister this morning and telling her about my book self-promotion (which I dread) and my reaching out to a local bookstore to maybe take some copies. I typed “I feel afraid.”
She asked, “What are you afraid of?” and after a pause I told her I was afraid a. of them just laughing at me or b. them offering to carry my book. No way to win, I added.
But it’s a strange thing, being seen for creative things. It’s like you pour your brains and heart out onto paper or artwork, and then you have to step back and wait for people to look at them, comment, accept or dismiss them. It’s not like doing any other work I can remember, in terms of soul-wrenching.
I remember when I started in this writing gig, I used to send out self-addressed envelopes with submissions (yes, I am that old). I was living in tiny Annapolis Royal, NS at the time, and the postmasters all knew me. They also knew that if the envelope came back fat, that meant they’d refused my submission. If it came back thin, that meant there was a cheque enclosed.
So they’d wait to see me coming, all smiles if the skinny envelope had found its way to my mailbox. It was totally heartening and cheering.
Truth is, this kind of support doesn’t often happen. I’ve been so lucky with Spit & Polish that people are liking it, buying it, telling others about it. Not everyone, mind you, but enough people to make the experience encouraging.
But I still feel nervous, being seen. Having to trot my soul out for acceptance. Like most authors, I believe, every time you put something out you are being seen anew. Have you grown ugly chin hairs (rather too appropriate for me at this age)? Or are you swinging in with aplomb and grace?
Fingers crossed I don’t end up with proverbial lettuce in my teeth (as seems to happen more often as I age, but I digress) (and avoid arugula like the plague) as I step forward, waving Spit & Polish and my well-loved characters as I go… I’m already started on the sequel and need the endorphin rush of positive reviews…